To build on my statement, “We are never alone, we have each other and we continue to have opportunity and potential each day.” Potential and opportunity are laid around us, at our feet. Sometimes we kick the potential to the curb and other days we embrace it. During our grief it becomes increasingly difficult to recognize true opportunity and almost impossible to operate at our true potential.
I find this true since I am absolutely not living to my full potential.
Something stops me now.
I dream of great things but they are silenced in my mind by self doubt, guilt, exhaustion.
The energy required to grab hold and be who we are supposed to be does not come easily.
Grief drains us emotionally and physically, leaving us confused about how WHY in the world are we so damn tired.
So, while we dream, sometimes we do not move.
Statues.
Of pain and mourning.
There are articles and books telling us to drink plenty of water, exercise, try to do our normal activities, stay energized.
I call bullshit on all of it.
It is not that easy folks. We cannot just drink 8 glasses of water and expect to tackle this monster everyday with the vim and vigor required.
Our mind is more powerful than that, it sucks the water right out of us. Dehydrated beyond where we were prior to quenching the thirst.
Our mind plays dirty tricks during grief.
We have to become a warrior against our own self defeating thoughts and actions. It is a fight for survival that cannot be won unless we recognize all the factors working against us.
It doesn’t happen overnight.
It won’t even happen in a year.
It is now a lifetime journey of picking ourselves up and deciding over and over to keep going and keep trying.
The overwhelming reality of our situation will come in waves. Hitting us, crashing against our current stance and bringing us down to our knees….over and over.
Today I am picking myself up, after an extremely hard day yesterday. Emotionally drained, exhausted, relieved that it is over.
I know my potential.
I see some opportunity.
I will continue, on the journey, and attempt to reach for both while I also persevere to make changes in my life for the better.
~Leslie Beery, The Surviving Project