I have these waves of emotion. Moments in time. Places in my life where I stop and crumble. I scream inside, “What am I doing?!” “How can anything continue on…” I reel in a panic, I want to move as far backwards as I can, to be closer to him, closer to a time with him. I want to jump over the dreadful day that he died and back into the life I knew.
I hold my head inside my hands and cry.
I am brokenhearted.
I am crushed in spirit.
… I ask for him to come home.
I beg to please give him back.
I feel hopeless.
It takes time, but I wipe my tears. I look at myself and identify the changes. I pick myself up where I fell, and I continue to try.
That is all I have, the ability to try.
~Leslie Beery, The Surviving Project